Compliments

From Ali Abdaal's weekly newsletter: Starting my Fitness Journey.

Book Summary of Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg.

Compliments are life-alienating.

In nonviolent communication, compliments are life-alienating because they are a type of judgement. When someone calls you brilliant or talented, they're making a judgement about who you are as a person.

Instead, we can express appreciation authentically by telling them how they've specifically improved our lives. This requires three pieces of information.

1. What the person did.

2. What needs their actions fulfilled.

3. What positive emotions that fulfillment created.

Imagine you've attended a lecture and want to compliment the speaker afterwards. 

Instead of saying, "you're so brilliant!", recognize a specific action, the need that action met, and the positive emotions you feel as a result: "when you talk about ways to resolve a conflict, I felt hopeful because your words showed me a new way to connect with my son."

Teachers could use this in the classroom this way, 

"When you gave a response in class, I felt hopeful because I know that you understood the new concept that I just taught."

For parents,

"When you told me about how you resolved the fight with your sister, it showed me that you have learnt how to deal with and manage your own conflicts. This makes me very proud of you." 

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Have you read the book? 

Reading this short summary has piqued my interest to check this book out.