How I failed the 30-day experiment

Today, I got to observe something interesting. 

I went for a run, the first of the month. It was supposed to happen on Monday but it poured that day. And it was a long and tiring day. 

The plan for the week was to work out thrice and I already missed the opportunity to complete one.

Fast forward to today, I took a nap but woke up still tired. Weather was good so I was determined to do the run.

I ran fast, I felt I had the momentum and the flow going, I pushed a little harder, finished faster but didn't reach the finish line that I set for myself. Still a win because I got it done.

But my energy was drained. I came home, had dinner and thought I'd like to make progress on a course I'm studying. I open Youtube to search for the same topic because the modules in the course often take a while to load and I'll toggle between the two windows to learn while waiting. 

Wrong move. 

Bree with zero energy and willpower could not stop watching unrelated YouTube shorts. It was one short video, then another, then binging on the whole series. 

I read somewhere. You always know when you're doing something wrong. Probably from the book, Today is someday (I'll insert the quote here when I find it).

I knew the time was ticking, 10 minutes, half an hour, an hour. I didn't feel good about what I was doing but I kept telling myself, "ok, the next video will be the last one I will watch." "Just one more and I'll get to work". It's really seeing yourself decay and be a wasteman and not being able to stop yourself.

Breathe. 

It's almost 10 and I haven't done the things I wanted to do after dinner. I need to shower. Make progress on my course. Get my writing in and get ready for bed. 

I remember something from the Inner Game. See the strokes as they are, no good or bad strokes. 

I choose to see my behaviour as they are today. No good or bad behaviour. 

Now, I'll make the best of it and do better tomorrow.